You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
