I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize