____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize