....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
