think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
