dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
