note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
