Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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