you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
