Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
