i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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