guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I faked an abortion last night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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