He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
