im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
