i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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