it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
