I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
