my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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