my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
