its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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