brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
