u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
