Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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