you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize