Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
