when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
