The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
