but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
