i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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