when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
