I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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