He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
