I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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