My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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