I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
