lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
nutella sex= disaster
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
