jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
