so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize