3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize