I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said her name was "party"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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