When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
bring money and cleavage
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
