i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
