If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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