That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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