dude i'm inner monologue high
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
