winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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