So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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