She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
