i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You made out with two different species that night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
