I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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