My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize