Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
