Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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