My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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