he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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