No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
