I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The power of my boobs compel you
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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