Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
