Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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