I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
