epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
