My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
