susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
