Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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