If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
