At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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