you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
