I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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