he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
