my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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