Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
