So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
