they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just google imaged poop.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
