There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
