By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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