He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize