Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
