Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
