Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
