my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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