one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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