No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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