All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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