remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
