dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
