I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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