we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
