Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
