With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
