did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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