I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
