and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
