I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
