Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
