What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
