Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
