i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
