Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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