You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
