Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
