Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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