I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
