i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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