Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
