Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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