bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
