Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i drank out of a bidet.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
