He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
