well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This baby is an asshole
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
