My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
