Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
