the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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