when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
