I'm gonna have a badass scar
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
